Are you always looking for someone better?

Dude!!! turn around!!!

When I was an English teacher in Japan (yeah I know a lot of my posts start off this way) I taught all levels of ability. Some students were so low that, “Hello… my name Keisuke, you cool guy!” was the max I could get out of them. To encourage students, most teaching programs had a series of levels that they would progress up. Japanese students called this “leveling up”

Leveling up with guys

In Japan the foreign guys often date the Japanese girls, “of course” you say, but this isn’t simple. First, foreign guys often can’t speak Japanese so they need a girl that can speak English, something a bit rare. Second, because there is very little accountability, the guys (and girls) are rather promiscuous. This creates a very interesting dating microcosm. A tight population of about 50 people, who are all swapping fluids, to chlamydia and gonorrhea’s delight.

The STI’s are not the point, only an interesting side effect of such an incestuous group. The other side effect is something I never would have considered. To my surprise the girls seemed to accept this sexual leap frog and at the same time they would constantly be trying to “level up.”

A friend of mine brought my attention to this before I noticed it myself. “See her? See how she looked at the guy that just walked in? Look, look! Do you see her stare at him? She totally wants to level up!” my buddy commented. He appeared to be right since she looked totally uncomfortable with boyfriend of the month and kept stealing glances at the new addition to the bar. After he pointed this out it was painfully obvious, both the guys and girls always looking for a new better rung to climb in their limited supply of dating fodder.

This was not a normal situation at all and being so odd it concentrated human behavior that I previously didn’t think was so powerful. I believe the human tendency to constantly find a better mate I think is pretty hard wired into the system, especially if one perceives that there is no permanence to the relationship.

Growing up

I thought about this post today while sitting on the patio talking to a girl I enjoy. I realized that I am relatively free of the need to constantly find a sexier, prettier, smarter girl. I finally feel comfortable enough in my own skin to not need the most outrageously hot girl to adorn it. Not only do I feel comfortable but I subconsciously limit my temptations. I think I finally understand that there is always potentially “better” out there, but I choose to ignore it and stop chasing my damn tail. (or someone else’s)