My husband raped me

My husband raped me



When it first happened in 2007, we had already been married for seven years – he had been my senior at the polytechnic and my first love.

Our marriage was on the rocks because I had just discovered that he had been cheating on me with different women for years. And his ongoing infidelity was slowly ripping us apart with frequent quarrels and scuffles.

One night, he started touching my body, as he always did when he wanted sex.

But sex was the last thing on earth I wanted at the time – I wasn’t even sure exactly how many women he had been with. So I pushed him away. He tried again. And I pushed him away again.

That was when he became frustrated. He climbed on top of me and pressed me down roughly. I struggled but he was stronger than me. He kissed me all over and started to force himself on me.

I was helpless.

When he was done, he simply rolled over to his side of the bed and went to sleep, leaving me feeling traumatised.

The next morning, he behaved as if nothing unusual had happened. But I was still reeling in shock and disbelief.

What had happened to the intelligent and attentive man I had known since I was 17, the student leader whom our peers had looked up to?

That night, he was a different man altogether, he was a stranger.

Cracks in an ordinary marriage

I first discovered signs of his infidelity in 2005.

I found photographs of him with a Chinese woman in her 20s on his mobile phone.

Then, when I was spring-cleaning the house before Chinese New Year in 2007, I discovered remittance receipts, a forged divorce document with a fictional woman and an application to marry a mainland Chinese woman in China.

I also stumbled upon sex videos of him with different women, who did not appear to be aware that they were being filmed. The discovery shook me to the core. Despite being married for seven years, I suddenly felt that I didn’t know my husband at all. In the weeks following that discovery, I numbed myself with 16-hour work days, only climbing into bed in the wee hours of the night, when I knew he would be fast asleep. Or I would sleep in my daughter’s room.

I was bitterly confused about my love for him and our marriage, but one thing was clear: I did not want to have sex with him.

The last straw

To keep up with the pretence that our marriage was still normal and to avoid another quarrel, I would make myself sleep in the same bed with him.

At times, he would demand sex.

Whenever I refused, he would shove me down roughly and force himself on me. Each time after he did that, I would feel deeply upset. But I coped with it the best way I could – I told myself to bear it for my daughter.

But he never showed any remorse.

I don’t think it ever occurred to him that what he was doing was hurting me physically and emotionally. Perhaps he felt that as a wife, I should always submit to his sexual desires. At that time, I had never heard of marital rape.

Late one night in October 2007, about nine months after the first rape, he forced himself on me as usual. This time, I snapped.

While he was going at it, I pushed him away with all my strength. He turned violent and we fought. In the scuffle, he slapped and hit me.

I sobbed bitterly and called the police. He didn’t stop me at all.

At the hospital alone, I was treated for my bruises but nothing more. It was simply brushed off as a case of family violence.

There was no mention of any medical examination to assess if I had been sexually assaulted.

At the time, I was too confused and traumatised to think too deeply about the matter. But looking back, I wonder if that omission was because my attacker had been my husband. Since marital rape doesn’t exist as a crime except under certain exceptions, there would have been little use in them documenting the signs of sexual assault.

Instead, it was on the advice of my private investigator that I finally applied for a personal protection order against him.

When he found out about it, he toned down his temper. It was as if he finally understood that I was being serious and would no longer give in to his sexual demands.

But I couldn’t forgive.

I don’t think I will ever understand why he did what he did to me – all I know is that he started raping me after I confronted him about his cheating, so I can only conclude that it all came from a place of rage, guilt or revenge.

I had once harboured hopes of saving the marriage but it came to a point when I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

When he finally moved out early last year, a few weeks after I filed for the personal protection order, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

* Name has been changed to protect her identity.

Diva - My husband raped me

Masterdater Mike’s top ten signs the bastard is cheating on you!

Masterdater Mike’s top ten signs the bastard is cheating on you! 5-1

by MIKE MASTERS on FEBRUARY 25, 2009

5. Change in appearance, starts caring about his body
I think the heaviest and most out of shape I have ever been was when I was in a serious relationship and it was not just me. Both of us beef-caked up a good 20bls! I remember when we decided to go on a diet together and for some silly reason we took nude Polaroids of each other (yes I am that old) and with permanent marker circled the bad areas. This was ultra embarrassing when someone found them at our house party and they circulated, she never forgave me.
I am sure it has happened to you when you have met an amazing guy. You took one look at your body and thought, “he is not going to like this horrible lumpy thing, I need the gym!” being in lust is a wonderful motivator for weight loss.

4. He is jealous of you
This one is the creepiest of the bunch, I discovered it by of course doing it. I once was absolutely convinced my girl was cheating! We got into a huge argument about her faithfulness until it forced my dishonesty out, oops…
Here is how the rational goes. If I am cheating she must be too because I cannot stand to be the only asshole in this relationship. Not only that but people love to project on to others. Angry? “People are such shits!!” Cheater? “EVERYONE ALWAYS CHEATS! Why even date…” So if he starts drilling you about who you were with out of the blue. It might pay to take a second look at his actions.

3. Repeats the same story or assumes he already told you
I have a rule. Never date more than 3 people at the same time. I know you are thinking this is a very conservative rule! Why not 4 or 5?? Well what I found was that the brain starts making some pretty colossal mistakes past the number three. “Jenny? I didn’t call you Jenny, did I?! “We saw that movie on Friday right…?” “Oops, I guess those are not your earrings…”
Now if he is cheating I imagine it is only one girl but it is still pretty hard to keep things strait. So when he says to you, “didn’t I already tell you that?” be suspicious! The person that he did tell must be awfully similar for his brain to categorize the two of you in the same place. As for telling the same story? Maybe he is just an airhead like me but his brain might have once again gotten confused as to which girlfriend he shared it with.

2. Can’t answer or talk on suspicious evenings like Fri or Sat night
One of the most simple indicators but very common. Unless one or both of the cheaters is privately employed they are off on Saturday and Sunday. So why can’t he answer his phone? Or why the hell is it shut off?? If he never shut off his phone before and is MIA 7 to 1 at night, I would worry. Sometimes I see my dad in Santa Barbara to go watch a movie but not every weekend and it usually was not very romantic!

1. The “friend” category in his life keeps increasing
And the number one indicator!! The Suspicious friends…
“I was out with friends, you know Jason from work… the guy that you have met only once and know nothing about…” This is what I call the Anonymous Alibi. He is going to Vegas with Jason? Really… He has no pictures to show you? Hmmm…
Jason, I am sure exists, which helps him lie. “It was amazing! Jason had a run at blackjack and made $800 bucks! Then he got so drunk I had to hold his hair out of his face while he puked! You should have been there!” Wow, Jason has some long hair and probably gives good head when your boyfriend isn’t holding it!!
The key is that you can’t check in on the new friend OR… God forbid, he has a real friend to lie for him. Double whammy, not only is he a liar but his friends are too. Bad sign ditch him and move on ASAP

Bullets.
• Once you discover and prove such a thing move on… please, for me…? Don’t be one of those girls that will never be respected again because you accepted infidelity
• Cheating happens and is not done by exclusively men, in my experience men and women cheat equally. Don’t make this an excuse to hate men. Instead ask why did I choose this kind of guy?
• Men cheat for similar reasons you might, a lack of love/attention and they are horny! But for men that order is reversed.
• Remember the world is a projection of what is inside you, want a great guy? Work on yourself not him

Are you always looking for someone better?

Dude!!! turn around!!!

When I was an English teacher in Japan (yeah I know a lot of my posts start off this way) I taught all levels of ability. Some students were so low that, “Hello… my name Keisuke, you cool guy!” was the max I could get out of them. To encourage students, most teaching programs had a series of levels that they would progress up. Japanese students called this “leveling up”

Leveling up with guys

In Japan the foreign guys often date the Japanese girls, “of course” you say, but this isn’t simple. First, foreign guys often can’t speak Japanese so they need a girl that can speak English, something a bit rare. Second, because there is very little accountability, the guys (and girls) are rather promiscuous. This creates a very interesting dating microcosm. A tight population of about 50 people, who are all swapping fluids, to chlamydia and gonorrhea’s delight.

The STI’s are not the point, only an interesting side effect of such an incestuous group. The other side effect is something I never would have considered. To my surprise the girls seemed to accept this sexual leap frog and at the same time they would constantly be trying to “level up.”

A friend of mine brought my attention to this before I noticed it myself. “See her? See how she looked at the guy that just walked in? Look, look! Do you see her stare at him? She totally wants to level up!” my buddy commented. He appeared to be right since she looked totally uncomfortable with boyfriend of the month and kept stealing glances at the new addition to the bar. After he pointed this out it was painfully obvious, both the guys and girls always looking for a new better rung to climb in their limited supply of dating fodder.

This was not a normal situation at all and being so odd it concentrated human behavior that I previously didn’t think was so powerful. I believe the human tendency to constantly find a better mate I think is pretty hard wired into the system, especially if one perceives that there is no permanence to the relationship.

Growing up

I thought about this post today while sitting on the patio talking to a girl I enjoy. I realized that I am relatively free of the need to constantly find a sexier, prettier, smarter girl. I finally feel comfortable enough in my own skin to not need the most outrageously hot girl to adorn it. Not only do I feel comfortable but I subconsciously limit my temptations. I think I finally understand that there is always potentially “better” out there, but I choose to ignore it and stop chasing my damn tail. (or someone else’s)

What is the definition of cheating?

What is the definition of cheating?


The traditional definition of cheating, or infidelity, is that one person in a committed relationship is physically involved with someone other than their spouse. Due to a number of factors, cheating behavior has been reclassified to include the traditional definition and a more contemporary definition, known as emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought.

The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. Traditionally, cheating involves people meeting face to face, and then engaging in physical intimacy. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer. There may be physical activity involved, but it is conducted within the confines of separate locations; the people involved aren’t “actually” touching. Many of the people who are emotionally cheating don’t consider it to be infidelity. Their rationale is that, because there is no actual physical contact, the behavior can’t be considered cheating. Emotional infidelity is sometimes viewed as being harmless because it is more of a casual relationship than traditional cheating; however, the intimate nature of the communication, plus the emotional investment made by the people involved, places emotional infidelity on the same level as traditional cheating.

Lies break trust, and don’t think that just because you only tell part of the truth that this means you are not lying. Telling someone what they want to hear - or what you want them to hear, however founded in the truth, if it is not the complete truth, it is still a lie.

Cheating breaks trust. Cheating is the ultimate trust breaker - one it is difficult if not impossible to come back from, because not only was there a lie, but there was a total and complete abuse of faith and trust placed in a person.

Cheating usually comes with lies too - so not only does one cheat, but one lies about the cheating to cover up the indiscretion. Then the lies get bigger and the trust gets more abused - and this snowball effect comes into play - and it’s nearly impossible - if at all, to recover from cheating. No trust. No faith.

No chance to “allow without fear.”

If they have cheated - do you want to know? Is ignorance truly bliss this time? Can you ever look at the past the same if you realize that there was a break of trust there…will the memories ever be the same again? Would you want them to be the same?

When it comes right down to it - it’s not the cheating that hurts. It is the break of trust, the loss of faith, the changing of perspectives that destroys the heart and brings the anger. It is the realignment of perceptions that really stings the most, when you go back over everything that happened and wonder what was real and what was illusion. That’s what hurts.

There is nothing you did so wrong that warrants someone cheating on you. If the relationship is bad, if you did do something wrong, then the other person has the right to talk to you, to confront you, or if worse comes to worst, to leave you…but he or she doesn’t have the right to cheat.

Cheating is the cheater’s mistake - not yours. You did nothing wrong that deserve you having been cheated on. Even if you made mistakes in the relationship, even if you withheld intimacy, even if you and your partner fought constantly, there is nothing that justifies cheating - period.

Nothing.

And so we are back to the beginning all over again, back to the reason I am even writing this: Cheating?! Trust?! What is trust? To have confidence or faith in or to allow without fear.

The other party can leave, break it off, ask for a divorce, or do any number of other things in response to a relationship gone bad, but cheating is never an acceptable solution. So as the saying goes either “Piss or get off the pot” it is never a good thing to start a relationship, regardless of how it starts, if there you have trust issues. First, deal with the issues that you have or at least express them so that everyone can know what is going on. Define what you think “cheating” is to you, we all have different definitions, and we are all not going to put up with what the next man/woman might. Most importantly be expressive and honest with whatever is going on with you and whatever you have been through, it is the only way to be fair!

When A Buddy Cheats Or Is Cheated On

When A Buddy Cheats Or Is Cheated On

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shybu friends

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templatemo 184 brown - Free CSS Templates

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Happy New Year

Creative_Friends

Ente Mohangalkku Kudineeru Nalkaan Kazhiyathepoya Karmegangalkkai

illusions

with this one your supposed to stare at the 4 dots in the middle for 30 seconds then close your eyes and you'll see jesus



although they look bent the red lines are straight.

My Best Friends

You are my best friend,
My very best friend,
You make me happy,
Everyday,
You share your great snacks,
You share your best toys,
So please don't take
My best friend away.

My Best Friend
Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.

She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show her that i care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there

I went to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.