Are you always looking for someone better?

Dude!!! turn around!!!

When I was an English teacher in Japan (yeah I know a lot of my posts start off this way) I taught all levels of ability. Some students were so low that, “Hello… my name Keisuke, you cool guy!” was the max I could get out of them. To encourage students, most teaching programs had a series of levels that they would progress up. Japanese students called this “leveling up”

Leveling up with guys

In Japan the foreign guys often date the Japanese girls, “of course” you say, but this isn’t simple. First, foreign guys often can’t speak Japanese so they need a girl that can speak English, something a bit rare. Second, because there is very little accountability, the guys (and girls) are rather promiscuous. This creates a very interesting dating microcosm. A tight population of about 50 people, who are all swapping fluids, to chlamydia and gonorrhea’s delight.

The STI’s are not the point, only an interesting side effect of such an incestuous group. The other side effect is something I never would have considered. To my surprise the girls seemed to accept this sexual leap frog and at the same time they would constantly be trying to “level up.”

A friend of mine brought my attention to this before I noticed it myself. “See her? See how she looked at the guy that just walked in? Look, look! Do you see her stare at him? She totally wants to level up!” my buddy commented. He appeared to be right since she looked totally uncomfortable with boyfriend of the month and kept stealing glances at the new addition to the bar. After he pointed this out it was painfully obvious, both the guys and girls always looking for a new better rung to climb in their limited supply of dating fodder.

This was not a normal situation at all and being so odd it concentrated human behavior that I previously didn’t think was so powerful. I believe the human tendency to constantly find a better mate I think is pretty hard wired into the system, especially if one perceives that there is no permanence to the relationship.

Growing up

I thought about this post today while sitting on the patio talking to a girl I enjoy. I realized that I am relatively free of the need to constantly find a sexier, prettier, smarter girl. I finally feel comfortable enough in my own skin to not need the most outrageously hot girl to adorn it. Not only do I feel comfortable but I subconsciously limit my temptations. I think I finally understand that there is always potentially “better” out there, but I choose to ignore it and stop chasing my damn tail. (or someone else’s)

What is the definition of cheating?

What is the definition of cheating?


The traditional definition of cheating, or infidelity, is that one person in a committed relationship is physically involved with someone other than their spouse. Due to a number of factors, cheating behavior has been reclassified to include the traditional definition and a more contemporary definition, known as emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought.

The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. Traditionally, cheating involves people meeting face to face, and then engaging in physical intimacy. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer. There may be physical activity involved, but it is conducted within the confines of separate locations; the people involved aren’t “actually” touching. Many of the people who are emotionally cheating don’t consider it to be infidelity. Their rationale is that, because there is no actual physical contact, the behavior can’t be considered cheating. Emotional infidelity is sometimes viewed as being harmless because it is more of a casual relationship than traditional cheating; however, the intimate nature of the communication, plus the emotional investment made by the people involved, places emotional infidelity on the same level as traditional cheating.

Lies break trust, and don’t think that just because you only tell part of the truth that this means you are not lying. Telling someone what they want to hear - or what you want them to hear, however founded in the truth, if it is not the complete truth, it is still a lie.

Cheating breaks trust. Cheating is the ultimate trust breaker - one it is difficult if not impossible to come back from, because not only was there a lie, but there was a total and complete abuse of faith and trust placed in a person.

Cheating usually comes with lies too - so not only does one cheat, but one lies about the cheating to cover up the indiscretion. Then the lies get bigger and the trust gets more abused - and this snowball effect comes into play - and it’s nearly impossible - if at all, to recover from cheating. No trust. No faith.

No chance to “allow without fear.”

If they have cheated - do you want to know? Is ignorance truly bliss this time? Can you ever look at the past the same if you realize that there was a break of trust there…will the memories ever be the same again? Would you want them to be the same?

When it comes right down to it - it’s not the cheating that hurts. It is the break of trust, the loss of faith, the changing of perspectives that destroys the heart and brings the anger. It is the realignment of perceptions that really stings the most, when you go back over everything that happened and wonder what was real and what was illusion. That’s what hurts.

There is nothing you did so wrong that warrants someone cheating on you. If the relationship is bad, if you did do something wrong, then the other person has the right to talk to you, to confront you, or if worse comes to worst, to leave you…but he or she doesn’t have the right to cheat.

Cheating is the cheater’s mistake - not yours. You did nothing wrong that deserve you having been cheated on. Even if you made mistakes in the relationship, even if you withheld intimacy, even if you and your partner fought constantly, there is nothing that justifies cheating - period.

Nothing.

And so we are back to the beginning all over again, back to the reason I am even writing this: Cheating?! Trust?! What is trust? To have confidence or faith in or to allow without fear.

The other party can leave, break it off, ask for a divorce, or do any number of other things in response to a relationship gone bad, but cheating is never an acceptable solution. So as the saying goes either “Piss or get off the pot” it is never a good thing to start a relationship, regardless of how it starts, if there you have trust issues. First, deal with the issues that you have or at least express them so that everyone can know what is going on. Define what you think “cheating” is to you, we all have different definitions, and we are all not going to put up with what the next man/woman might. Most importantly be expressive and honest with whatever is going on with you and whatever you have been through, it is the only way to be fair!

When A Buddy Cheats Or Is Cheated On

When A Buddy Cheats Or Is Cheated On

shybu

shybu friends

shybu

templatemo 184 brown - Free CSS Templates

templatemo 184 brown - Free CSS Templates

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veruthe

Happy New Year

Creative_Friends

Ente Mohangalkku Kudineeru Nalkaan Kazhiyathepoya Karmegangalkkai

illusions

with this one your supposed to stare at the 4 dots in the middle for 30 seconds then close your eyes and you'll see jesus



although they look bent the red lines are straight.

My Best Friends

You are my best friend,
My very best friend,
You make me happy,
Everyday,
You share your great snacks,
You share your best toys,
So please don't take
My best friend away.

My Best Friend
Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.

She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show her that i care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there

I went to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.